behind my spirituality, behind my healing, behind my honesty, behind me being: is another part of me orchestrating, manipulating and lying to me. and as long as it all goes well, like when i'm happy, i barely know its happening at all. and anyway it seems so insignificant relative to the positive change happening and the growth i'm experiencing. but when things don't go how i want them to, or when i don't get my way, then i see the real me that's actually always there behind the curtain controlling things. i see the angry, hurt, manipulative, controlling, self-centered, judgmental person making plans and pretending to be real. so i want to be happy and not have to deal with this part of myself. but the more that i see this self when i'm hurt or angry, the more i can see it when i'm not feeling hurt or angry. this aspect of myself, some refer to the ego, is always running the show. always manipulating me and others, whether i am happy and feeling good, or trying and struggling, or sad and hurt, or strong and angry. so have a relationship with myself. and work with myself. include the wizard when i'm washing dishes. include the wizard when i'm talking to a friend. a new honesty. a new level of health and acceptance. be patient.
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