i really related to something Katie told me yesterday. she said coming into the light of love is like coming up from under water, taking a deep breath, and opening your eyes. thats how i've felt. but then i go back down. and then i come back up. over and over.

the tibetan term generally translated as 'renunciation' has the literal meaning of 'definite emergence' - Lama Yeshe

i believe that not going back under the water requires a spiritual practice. because i might be able to be happy for a while, even a long time, and it might look like my life is different. but attachments are like seaweed wrapped around my legs. and the ocean of existence is full of these rope-like aquatic plants. they tangle us up. and a spiritual practice is just the work of untangling ourselves. like doing the dishes or the laundry, its just a chore. a lot of people make it into something else, they create false-change. some make it too personal and even create false-healing. soul-retrieval is often self-serving and too much of a game. and yoga can be self-cherishing and like wanting an expensive car. i ask, "am i here for myself or for my loved ones?" the difference is between existing as a person who is 'having' oriented and a person who is 'being' oriented. sometimes i think i'm 'being' but i'm really not. a common misunderstanding is asking, "am i getting something out of this?" a spiritual practice makes it clear. 'having' or 'getting' is empty. yoga is the core of my spiritual practice. there're many forms of yoga. some yoga is entirely internal. and to me just sitting in easy pose is really challenging. a spiritual practice is about healing and becoming whole. it usually begins with dissatisfaction and unhappiness, when the seaweed has you trapped and you think you're drowning. but thats also part of the circle of repetitive behavior, coming up from the water and going back under. confusing the two is how false-change is created. the key is to serve my loved ones thru the daily work of untangling myself and learning transformation, becoming a merman :) love is a duty. and serving my loved ones is the heart of my discipline.