i noticed the thoughts running thru my mind while i was walking downtown today, and i realized i've spent my life judging people. i've treated people very harshly. i was judging everyone that walked by! maybe those thoughts are always there. i've never paid attention before. i feel sick about it now. its not that the judgments are that horrible, though some are really mean. its that its just so disrespectful to view human creatures as small pieces of my projected self. instead of seeing others' lives, i see my guilt and my frustration creating opinions about others. people i know nothing about! though it changes when i talk to strangers. and i do love talking to them. but in my head, i tear tear them down. i make them into meaningless little objects. and i do this to my loved ones too! in my head, most of these thoughts stay unspoken, i make judgments about what they should be doing or how they should be acting. often i think they're not loving or they're selfish. i try to let the thoughts go as they come up. but its a river of judgment.  so sometimes i try to let them go later, but they're too easily forgotten by my conscious mind. and if i do speak my opinions, to take responsibility for them, i can feel the judgment just sitting there in the background, not really going anywhere. because i believe that i know how people should behave, the way that i believe i behave, i feel powerful judgments and severe criticisms. this is me not feeling good enough. this is me knowing that i'm not what i believe i am. i might as well speak these transferred judgments, because they exist the same either way. i will have to learn to do judgment release each time i take responsibility. i have to be careful, because since i've noticed what i'm doing, i'm being really harsh to myself. and i notice that i get very irritated by noise or traffic or standing in line or anything that gets in my way or even the cats sometimes. and i'm completely intolerant of others shortcomings, judging my loved ones as ignorant or slow or stupid or unimportant or backward. and i think i know everything. half of what i say is incorrect or confused or made up. i get the facts wrong more often than right.