i've had this puerile need to prove myself and my goal has been to get love in return. i've been seeking approval and validation. and especially from women who are emotionally unavailable, emotionally damaged, narcissistic, self-serving, irrational, controlling and manipulative, guided by guilt, burdened by self-hatred, filled with shame, dishonest, and not nurturing (nurture = the act of caring and encouraging the growth or development of). this has been my misunderstanding of beauty. and my misunderstanding of love. i've made myself desperate. its been an endless pattern going nowhere. and throughout the process i've exhibited and cultivated a mirror image of the women's negative attributes. and thwarted my growth and development, and hers.
"in your own depth, you have nothing to be afraid of. there is no danger. your strength is in your own self-depth." - Yogi Bhajan
